Fiction or Fact?

this blog was never meant for personal problems to be shared.. it never was till i knew him. yup,him. it was never me for telling stories or personal stuff in blogs. i hate it when people knew about me cuz i never wanted to know about them. i guess, this just happens when there is a burden inside you that you cannot find a way to express it. if only i know how to compose songs, i would be in a peace state of mind. but everyone knows im not good at expressing.. it hurts when he cares for me. when he love me. when he seems to be the greatest star shining in front of me. it really hurts. cuz i know, he is hard to be tolerate to sometimes. when he cares for me, i cant seem to care for him less. it makes me insane to keep up with my feelings and mind. when he love me? i love him more than my life. everyone knows that.so do him. but i cant seem to control myself from giving it to him endlessly. it must've been tiring for him to accept all those unnecessary once. but how could i control this feeling? how cant he receive and give back the same. he may have said he did, but i cant feel it.why cant i? do girls love this way? do boys love this way? i dont think so cuz it seems different with other men ive dated before. i wasnt comparing, but he's my best love. then why isnt it the best?i wasnt blaming him. but i want a solution. i want a cure to withstand this till the end. i want him as a husband too. i dont need another boyfriend. ive had enough of boyfriends. its a childish play. it hurts when u missed him that much when he just said he also did and fell asleep. leaving you a lonely hard and a piece of mind saying 'its not worth missing him when he doesnt even care' even i ignored my sleep and drowsiness of not sleeping for him. i dont know what should i say. he's a little immature. im his friend more than a girlfriend. i knew i couldnt go through with someone my age. stop this tears for me and make me aware of giving and take rules. what i get is what i will give him back in return. and i beg, dont make me think of you all the time cuz it hurts and unbearable. you lived fine on your own, with your way. so give me space to stabilize my heart and there should not be any term like 'really' or 'sangat2' anymore. lets live our life and think bout all this complicated stuff later. im tired. annyeong.